you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
