My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
