I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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