ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
