I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
