You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
