Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
