I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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