Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
