Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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