i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
