come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
