i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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