The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize