you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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