Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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