Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
two words: eviction party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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