Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
