So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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