For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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