So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
