remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
