there was a trapeze. enough said
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
