you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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