i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
