I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
