He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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