How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
