I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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