just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
