the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
