No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
