i may or may not be watching the land before time
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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