I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
