I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
