Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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