somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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