You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
