Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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