walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
