She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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