so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
