We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
