Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
