You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
