Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
