k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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