I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
