i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
