Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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