You work out of a Hotel?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh god it's open bar.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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