is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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