I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
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