So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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