just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
