My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need a shit load of segways right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
