not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
