Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
