does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
