The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
