I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
