I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
