ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
