I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
