Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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