I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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