we have pet lesbian snakes
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
