I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
