1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am naked and annoyed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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