Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
