Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
