My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
