Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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