in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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